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Sunday, 24 August 2008

Re-Acclimating

I'm having difficulty getting back to the chaos and havoc of life at home again. It's been over 3 months since returning from Iraq and once again I'm finding myself having difficulty re-adjusting to my wife and oldest daughter. Last time it got so bad we ended separating and on the verge of divorce. It's starting to go down that path again and I honestly just don't know. I get so frustrated with both of them and it keeps escalating. I sometimes wonder if marrying my wife was such a great idea. Not so much of a grass is greener on the other side type of situation as much as a how did I marry someone so different from myself. I wouldn't say we're polar opposites, but we definitely have very little in common compared to all the differences there are. And these differences create a great deal of friction especially when I see my oldest starting to adopt some of the less admirable traits that I see my wife has, like her pension for messiness and tardiness as well as a lack of sense for prioritization. I can't really bring any of these issues up because they would be met with vicious counterattacks on my personal foibles as well as outrage that I would even notice these things about them. Unfortunately it seems like the things that are most important to me like being at the right place, in the right dress to do the right thing rate little more then a passing shrug to them. I don't know how this household works and I honestly don't know how I can integrate myself into it, because as long as they maintain this lifestyle I'll always be stressed and tense trying to keep my own opinions and thoughts in check. Its tiring having to cope with something so against my own nature. Wonder how long it'll last this time before we all have had enough again. I can only put up with them for so long, and they can only put up with my attitude for so long. Maybe I'm destined to be divorced.

Monday, 23 July 2007

Pride

Never has there been a conflict in our American history has so few given so much. This conflict that we are embroiled in today is not merely a clash of physical prowess, but one of will, culture and thought. For those that joined during this time of war there is an intrinsic belief in the righteousness of liberty and freedom. To fight for one’s beliefs is an act of conviction. To fight for one’s rights is an act of patriotism. To fight for the freedom of others to choose their beliefs and rights equally and without malice has been slandered, skewed and derided to become an act of imperialism and exploitation. Where in history has our nation ever had to fight a conflict that has lasted so long with a force so small? What are the responsibilities of a citizen? The growing gap between the military and the civilian world has created a huge cultural breach. To those that watch and expect everything to be given to them, the ones that enjoy all of the fruits of liberty and prosperity, war is but an act to be criticized as inhumane and foolhardy. For those that have shed their blood sweat and tears, war is the grounds upon which liberty and equality are built upon. When you ask a Soldier, why they fought, for what reasons and what purpose they would risk their lives. The simplest answer would be, for those that stand next to me, for those that stand behind me, and for those that stand before me. It’s for the fellow Soldiers beside me that I would risk my life. It’s for the family; friends and civilians enjoying the freedoms that I defend that are behind me. And it’s for the people that don’t have those same freedoms before me that I have made my commitments to. Where the civilians back at home may have their motives for sending the military abroad. To those that choose to volunteer and to serve, there are only those three simple reasons for being the few.

Friday, 08 June 2007

BIG CAN OF WORMS

Ok so I'm about to breach a very touchy and political subject. Women in combat. I'm not going to voice my opinions about the subject because I'm still not sure exactly myself. I've met some very squared away women and I've met some really useless ones. But that can be said about just any male in the army as well. The only real difference is that women can get chaptered out for being pregnant. Now as for combat. Maybe its because I'm at Division level where all the trash is tossed to begin with, but the proportion of useful females vs. useless ones are very very skewed, and not in the good direction. Case in point. We conducted a health and welfare check on a female tent a few days ago. 30 person tent, with only 20 people in it. The place was a complete disgusting mess. Dirty laundry all over the place. Hygiene products littered throughout the tent. Certain beds placed right up against each other..... And boxes upon boxes, large container boxes of makeup, hair pieces, cosmetic tools, etc. And of course the usual "toys" that are brought, and apparently occasionally shared. With that aside though. The special treatment that some of these ladies expect is ridiculous. And if they can't get what they want from their unit, they go up and up until they reach a source they can wink at to get what they want. 90% of the complaints we get from our living areas come from females, often complaining about other females or their living conditions. I have male soldiers living 37 to a 30 man tent, yet the biggest complaint I have from them is just that their tent reaches over 100 degrees during the middle of the day. I'm sorry but if you fill only 2/3 of a tent's number quota and are complaining about space and privacy then there's little sympathy here. If a single spark were to drop in that female tent, the whole place would light up like the Hindenburg. Ok enough of that mess, this place is biasing me against females in combat, but I'm sure there are plenty of capable females out there that can handle dealing with life in a combat zone.

Wednesday, 30 May 2007

Retention

Attended a meeting with the CG two days ago. MG Rick Lynch, actor, comedian, commanding general of 3ID, egomaniac. With that aside, he brought all of the Captain's and Lieutenant Promotable together to discuss retention. The army is seriously hurting on captains, junior and senior. With all of the deployments, the shitty pay and the lack of family support in the rear Captains are getting out en masse to better higher paying, safer jobs. My time is coming near. My ETS date is January of 2008, not that its going to matter since I'll be here in Iraq til July of 08 but nonetheless I'm quite adamant in my decision to part ways with the army. There are some nagging doubts in my mind though. Recently an idea has been tossed around to provide junior captains with a monetary bonus of 20,000 up front to keep them in. This is a joke. A PFC reenlisting for 3-4 years in this combat zone can get a bonus well over 23,000 be given college options, post of choice and a variety of other bonuses. A captain, who the army has invested ALOT more into can't get SHIT. Of course the idea that officers need bonuses to be retained in itself is shocking enough since that's never happened in the history of the military.
Problem is, I like the army. I enjoy some of what I do, and when I get out of this division headquarters I'm sure I'll enjoy it alot more. Its just that I can't take care of my family with what I make and I definitely don't want to be at any of the sites the army is willing to send me to. I don't even really mind Iraq so much if it wasn't so damn often and for so long. I have no fear of being shot, blown up, etc. What I fear is coming home to a broken home and children who won't know me. If I can get some stability, some compensation, and some family care, then I'd stay in. But right now, with my skills and background, I am so marketable in the civilian market and I won't have to deploy every other year for well over a year plus. Of course if I get out now I'm in the Inactive Ready Reserve for another 4 years so they can and WILL call me up at any point anyways. It was brought up that Marines, Air Force and Navy are being compensated 20 often 30 times higher then army officers are. Why should I stay in when all I can look forward to is more broken promises and a war no one really cares for.

Friday, 18 May 2007

A world of difference

I came into Iraq believing in what we do and the good that we were doing for the Iraqi people. That was back in 2005 during OIF 3. When I stepped foot back here it didn't feel like much changed. Yes my job changed, and what I do now is pointless and frivolous in my opinion, but from what I've seen going on out there my opinions have changed as well. This war has gone on for over 4 years now with no end in sight. The iraqi people don't want us here, while we're attempting to win their "hearts and minds." There is a failure in our higher leadership to grasp that concept. You can be as nice as you want, you can bring gifts, you can bring wealth, but if you have overstayed your welcome, then that is all there is to it. We are attempting to stem the tides of a conflict that is older then our nation, by throwing more people into the fray. We are fighting an enemy that blends in with the populace, has the support of the religious and thus political groups in the city. We try to comprehend their systems of belief and governance, but fail because we imprint our secular concepts onto their political structure. Iraq's democracy is not natural, it is one enforced by the soldiers and military leadership of this nation. Democracy is not necessarily the ultimate form of government, nor is it the best form for certain people. Because the religious authorities in Iraq control the minds of the people, there is no true democracy. We cannot force our beliefs and our ways of life on those that cannot comprehend individuality. Muslim culture is too enthralled in their dedication to their religion to allow for separation of government and state. We have tried too hard to bend Iraq to our views and our will. Arab culture is incredible passionate, especially when it comes to religion and power. This passion is what has brought about such conflict, a conflict we should not be involved in. I thought I could have made a difference. I spent a year here clearing the roads and securing the neighborhoods of Baghdad. I was here for the first major elections. I come back now barely a year later from when I left, and everything we sweated and bled for came to naught. What good can you do, when those you want to help have no desire to help themselves.